11
Mar
10

Wrong Side of Town (2010)

Being a slave to your fandom can be a horrible, horrible thing. If you have ever read anything I’ve written on my other sites, you know that I am a wrestling fan. Because of this, I tend to watch movies that feature wrestlers. Everything WWE Films produces, crappy straight to DVD movies, guest spots, whatever. I’ve already watched one this year (the Steve Austin straight to DVD crapfest Damage), and the latest in this line is Wrong Side of Town, a movie starring wrestler Rob Van Dam, and featuring Batista and Viscera in supporting cameo-ish roles (despite what the DVD cover tells you, he appears in three scenes). To put it bluntly…this movie sucks out loud.

RVD stars as former Navy SEAL Bobby Kalinowski, who has traded his past for a cozy suburban life with wife Dawn (Lara Grice) and precocious (and horribly acted) 16 year old daughter Brianna (Brooke Frost). When Bobby and his wife go out on the town to a trendy new nightclub, Bobby mistakenly kills Ethan Bordas (Ross Britz), who tries to rape Dawn. It turns out his brother Seth (Jerry Katz) is a big time mob boss (or something I guess) and he puts a 100,000 dollar bounty on Bobby’s head, bringing out people from all walks of life. Bobby must rely on his training and the help of an old Navy buddy (Batista) to survive the night and to hopefully stop Seth before Seth kills him.

Wrong Side of Town is horrible on all counts, from the script to the acting to the “fight scenes”, joined all together to make a miserable viewing experience. The opening title sequence alone, a really cheap looking James Bond-esque intro that does not fit whatsoever, is worth the scorn of anyone who sees this, but it gets worse…oh so worse. I am a Rob Van Dam fan, but he makes a very unconvincing action hero. He barely showcases any ability to fight whatsoever, and his acting is very stilted and monotone. He is very miscast and out of his element. RVD’s general demeanor is very laid back, and if he wants to act, he should do comedies. He would fit way better in something like that.

It gets worse than that though. The supposed villain, Seth Bordas, is laughable at best. He chews the scenery and overacts when uneccessary. Whoever this Jerry Katz guy is, he should rethink his acting career. The supporting cast is all bad, with the only minor exception being, sadly, Batista. He is kind of amusing, although he delivers his lines very rapidly at times, but he seems like he should have played the lead (the legitimate lead, not the false advertising lead). Oh, and Ja Rule shows up too. Yes, he’s alive, but his career is about Three Quarters Past Dead by this point.

The story makes no sense at all. Seth owns a trendy nightclub, but how does that give him clearance to kidnap and kill people, or put bounties on heads? Is he a mobster, or just some dude with a lot of money to burn? His motivation also feels very forced. RVD’s whole backstory of being a Navy SEAL is also tacked on just because it’s an action movie, and really has no place, and it adds nothing. Neither does the side character of Briggs, who’s some dirty lawyer that Seth pays off at random times, but also apparently has a conscience for no particular reason when it comes to this.

The “action” in Wrong Side of Town is dull and lacks any sort of fluidity. Everyone feels stiff and they just look fake. Whoever was supposed to handle the choreography apparently took a lunch break for the entire shoot. There’s also some random licensed songs that go along with these pitiful fight sequences that do not fit whatsoever and sound like they would be in a teen film if anything. A particular scene has RVD in a badly shot car chase with a song that takes you right out of the film.

Wrong Side of Town is not worth your time. It’s a dull action movie that would have never been made had no wrestlers (and apparently Ja Rule for no reason) been cast, and it should not be watched by anything who likes their films to be tolerable. Avoid at all costs.

Final Verdict:

0.5/5

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